One More Confusion
by evil-insane-chick
Summary: pair of twins fight constantly...espescailly after they realize they're in the dbz world! i know there have been lots of stoies like this but this is totally original. check it out. Chapter 6 is up! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!! ^_^
1. Everyone's Being Lazy Bums!

Disclaimer: I do not own dragon ball z...but I wish I did!!!!!!! : ( Um......................................................this is my first story so forgive me if I kinda get it wrong, e-mail me or something, I'll change it.  
  
A Horrible Mistake...Or was it Good? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~  
  
"Hurry, Goten!"  
  
"Hold on, Trunks! I'm coming as fast as I can!"  
  
Trunks Brief rolled his eyes as his best friend tried to keep up with him. "You're so slow," he said. "Come on, go as fast as you can!"  
  
"Did you just ignore me a second ago? I said I was!" Goten really was trying to keep up. But his older friend had Vegeta for a dad, and he cut no slack. Goten's father was Goku. Goku didn't make you train 24/7 like Vegeta did. In fact, when it came to raising kids, Goku and Vegeta were the exact opposite.  
  
"HEY! GOTEN, TRUNKS, HURRY UP!"  
  
Goten looked down and saw Krillin, one of his father's good friends. "OK, Krillin! We're coming!"  
  
He and trunks landed and joined the party that was taking place. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Tori looked up at the sky. "Hey, loser head! Look at that!"  
  
Tori's twin brother, Brian looked up.  
  
"Since you're just so smart, why don't tell me what that is?" Tori cried to her brother.  
  
"Hey, I said I was smart, I didn't say I was Einstein," Brian called back to his always-happy-sister.  
  
"Same difference," she yelled back.  
  
Brian loved his sister, but she was the exact opposite of him. Her idea of fun was watching T.V., reading and playing outside. His were fighting, building, and taking things apart.  
  
Tori felt the exact same way. But she, however, was an original mix- match. She loved to do the girl things like talk and talk and talk and shop, but she also liked to watch shows that girls wouldn't usually watch. Like our beloved Dragon Ball Z.  
  
Tori felt like doing something she hadn't done since last summer. A whole year ago. So she lie down on the ground and fell asleep in the burning sun. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Oooooooooooo, a cliff hanger to get you started!!!! (I'm going to be rambling on for some time so skip this if you're a loser, a lazy bum, or just plain mean.) Although, you totally know what's going to happen next. Shut up! I'm trying to be original! But do you know how hard it is to do that these days? You have to get your ideas from somewhere or another. But, just for the record, this is my idea, totally based off the top of my head. I have read some others like this but oh well. I had one totally original once, but the stupid computer screwed up on me, and it is lost forever. It wasn't even finished! Man, these things just keep dying sooner and sooner. I'm too lazy to write the story again. 


	2. What A Discovery!

Disclaimer: I do not own dragon ball z. oh, well. We can try, can't we? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
"OK, Shenron, I wish that-" Goku began, "Trunks and Goten could have their own new playmates. But as a surprise."  
  
"Your wish," the deep voice of Shenron boomed, "has been granted."  
  
"Thank you, Shenron!"  
  
The giant dragon nodded Goku's grace, then disappeared.  
  
"Great. This should keep them out of our hair and into the other brats." Vegeta approached Goku. Then a thought struck him. "Kakarott," he began, "I don't think we thought this all the way through!"  
  
"What's wrong, Vegeta? This is a great present. They'll love it!"  
  
"Yes, I know they will, but what about us?"  
  
"They'll play with their new friends, while we fight whatever is trying to destroy Earth at the time. Someone's always trying to. But this all when they arrive. So far they haven't made a show."  
  
Vegeta was getting aggravated. "But who will watch the new kids when they do show up?"  
  
There was only one solution.  
  
"Rock! Paper! Scissors!" both voices cried at once.  
  
"YOU LOSE! HAHA, KAKAROTT!"  
  
"Gosh, Vegeta, you don't have to rub it in my face."  
  
"YES, I DO! BUT WHO CARES?!?!? KAKAROTT NOW HAS..." Vegeta stopped to count. "One, two, three, four, FOUR KIDS NOW LIVING IN HIS HOUSE! IT WILL BE A BIGGER MESS THAN MY GRAVITY ROOM AFTER 3 YEARS WITHOUT CLEANING, 10 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK! HAHAHAHAHAHA..." (A/N: I'm guessing the other hours are spent sleeping, eating, and yelling.)  
  
As Vegeta continued laughing, Goku sulked. 'How will I explain this to Chi-Chi?' was his worry all the way home. Vegeta still laughing in the background didn't help him much with it, either. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
Tori opened up her eyes. "Brian! Get up! Time for school!" she called; that was what they always did. When she didn't hear his usual mumble she got up. "BRI-AN! Don't make me do this today!"  
  
"Mom, who is she talking to?" a strange voice asked.  
  
"Hush, Goten." Chi-Chi walked in. "Good morning! You must be Trunks' and Goten's new play." she stopped when she saw Brian was still asleep. ".one of their new playmates." (A/N: Don't have your mind in the gutter when you read this. They mean 'friends' but they can't say that because they don't know them. At all. Period. Ok, I think you get the picture now.)  
  
".Trunks.Goten.fight.awesome.tomorrow.have.to.watch.can't. miss.tomorrow's.episode," Brian mumbled. ".rerun."  
  
Tori threw her pillow at him. "GET UP, BRIAN!" the pillow hit him and he fell out of bed at the impact. (A/N: I don't know how a pillow can do that but you know how those anime shows are.) "Gawd! You're so lazy! I would sit straight up even in the deepest sleep to see Dragon Ball Z and here we are in their world (at least I think we are. This all might be a dream) and you sleep it all away!"  
  
Brian got up. "Watch DBZ.see.them.in.their." he began mumbling. Then his eyes opened wide and one could almost see a little light turn on in his head. "WORLD!"  
  
Chi-Chi and Goten were slowly backing toward the door all this time. Just as they reached the door (Chi-Chi's hand was on the knob), both of the earthlings looked at them and just exploded.  
  
"can I have your frying pan."  
  
"can you teach me how to fly."  
  
".because I need it to hit people."  
  
".because I want to."  
  
".especially him."  
  
".and so I get bother her."  
  
".PLEASE?" they asked at the same time.  
  
The two Dragon Ball z characters looked at each other and left the twins alone.  
  
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" they screamed at each other at once. Immediately Chi-Chi burst in the room.  
  
"SHUT UP!" she cried. And of course, everyone did, lest she get out her frying pan. "Now," she began, much more calmly this time. "let's get this settled."  
  
Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, but I took vacation to St. Louis, Missouri. I wanted to take my computer with me, but I don't think it would have fit. Don't forget to review. 


	3. Waiting for Goku

Disclaimer: Idon't own DBZ, but i do own Tori and Brian! ^_^  
  
i decided not to throw away my story, thnx to an fan, THNX SO MUCH!! I really was giving up on this story, but this person said it COULD be good. BUT I'LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T REVIEW!!! :(  
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"So, you're telling me we're a T.V. show?" Chi-Chi asked.  
  
"Yea, but I wouldn't call it a show," Tori answered.  
  
"Maybe...K, I don't think you guys would like to be called cartoons," Brian started. "...but an anime show. That's Japanese animation. We're big fans!! Oh, yea," Brian looked toward Goten and Trunks. "Tori said she really, really, really,..."  
  
"BRIAN, DON'T YOU DARE!" Tori screamed. "I DON'T ANYMORE! PLEASE! JUST DON'T TELL THEM!"  
  
Goten and Trunks REALLY, REALLY wanted to know then.   
  
"What?!? She said what?!?" Goten couldn't bear it. "Tell us!"  
  
"She...... likes........." Brian had troubles getting out the sentence, due to Tori covering his mouth, pushing his face into pillows, etc. "YOU!!"  
  
"The older versions only! I don't like you until you get older!" Tori was bright red now, that her "secret" was out.   
  
Trunks and Goten stared in astonishment. Then, they got just as red, if not more red, than Tori did.  
  
"OK," Chi-Chi was amazed at how immature and,...well, different these kids were. "Um,... I'll call Goku. He'll know what to do." She started for the door.   
  
"She likes him, too!" Brian called out.  
  
Tori glared at him. "Brian! I hate you! Why are you so mean to me?" Tori really thought she hated her brother. But then, out of nowhere, he began cracking up.  
  
"DON' BE HATIN'!" he screamed between laughter. Soon, Tori began to laugh, too, then Goten, then Trunks. But Chi-Chi didn't find anything funny. As soon as everyone noticed she was the only one not laughing, they shut up.  
  
"You like Goku, my beloved, my husband, the father of my children?" she asked. She was ticked.  
  
Tori gulped. She didn't want to die, let alone cause problems. "N-n-no, ma'am, I don't. I seroiusly don't like Goku." she stammered. "In that way, anyway," she quickly added.  
  
Chi-Chi forced a fake smile on her face. "Good. I wouldn't want to get out my frying pan out, today, now would I?" Everyone shook their heads. Chi-Chi nodded. "That's what I thought." she said and left the room.  
  
Everyone was silent for awhile.   
  
Silence.   
  
More silence.   
  
Gawd, Tori thought. I wish someone would talk. I hate silence.  
  
Ah, silence, Brian thought. I love it.  
  
"So, ah, what do we do now?" Tori asked.  
  
"Um, er, uh, I, uh, ah..." Trunks stuttered.  
  
"We get ny dad," Goten said, clear as ever.  
  
How does he do it? Trunks thought to himself.  
  
"Uh, great. When will he get here?" Brian asked, annoyed at Tori for interrupting the silence.  
  
"He's here!" they heard Chi-Chi call form the kitchen.  
  
"Great," Tori said. "Let's not keep him waiting, shall we?" and they all walked into the kitchen to meet Chi-Chi and Goku.  
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hey, sorry 'bout the confusion. here's the thing, i am NOT quitting my story, and i don't plan to in the future. but if i do, some1 has already asked and i have promised it to them. and i'm also sorry that it takes me so long to update but there are 8 people in my house and we all want to use the computer at the same time. it's torture waiting. so, don't worry, i will get a next chapter up. and please, i beg you, review! 


	4. Disscussions and learning to fly and som...

this is the last time i'm gonna do this 'cause it's annoying.  
  
disclaimer: i don't own DBZ  
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Goku looked in surprise at the four kids who emerged from the room when only two had gone in.   
  
"Goku," Chi-Chi said, "these two lovely children were found in Gohan's bedroom. Do you know anything about this?"  
  
Goku looked at his wife like he'd just seen her as a monster in a horror movie. Then he put on his guilty look and looked at his feet. "Yea, Chi-Chi. Vegeta and I wished them here as a gift for Goten and Trunks. We just thought the boys needed some new friends, ya know?"  
  
"Now, wait just a second!" Tori blurted out. "You act like we're just something you can go out and buy! We have feelings, homes, families, and all that other good stuff, too, ya know!"   
  
Goku was startled at this, as was everyone else (except Tori of course). "Well, yea, of course you do," he began. "I just...well I just said that, I guess."  
  
"Neither of you used your brains is what you mean."  
  
Goku walked over to Tori and kneeled, so he could see her face-to-face. "You're right. We weren't thinking. Can you forgive us?"  
  
Tori playfully thought about this. 'Man,' Brian thought. 'She's acting like this is a game! What a gret idea!' And, to play along, Goku pretended to worry about his fate. 'Let's see, will he be saved, or will he be thrown away to the lions?' Brian thought going along.  
  
"I'll forgive you," Tori said finally. "but," seh went on, "not Vegeta, because he hasn't asked, yet."  
  
"What makes you htink he will?" a voice asked from the door.  
  
"Oh, hello Vegeta!" Goku stood up. Vegeta frowned at Goku's happinness. 'What a baka ,' he thought. (A/N: For those of you who don't know, 'baka' means 'idiot' or 'stupid' in Japanese.)  
  
Goku looked back at Tori. "Thanks for your forgiveness."  
  
Tori smiled. "No prob," she answered.  
  
"C'mon Trunks," Vegeta called to his son as he walked out the front door. Teunks quickly followed, and then they were gone.   
  
Chi-Chi turned to Goten. "You've been awful quiet."  
  
"Huh?" Goten asked. "Oh, I was just thinking of all the things we could do to have fun with..." he stopped. "Uh, sorry, but I don't know your names."  
  
"Oh, duh, the most important thing and we forgot to tell them!" Brian yelled, amused.  
  
"Well, I'm Tori..."  
  
"...and I'm Brian."  
  
"Ok, Tori and Brian. I can remember that." Chi-Chi smiled. Just then, a tall figure with short, black hair walked in.   
  
He was wearing a long-sleeved white T-shirt with a black vest over it. His pants were orange. He also had a big wacth on his (right?) arm.   
  
"Omigosh, it's Gohan!" Tori practically teleported over to him, ahe ran so fast, and knocked Goku over in the process. "I've always wanted to meet you! Can you teach me how to fly?!?!?"  
  
"Hey, that's my question!" Brian tan over to her and they began fighting over what question was their's, giving Gohan time to give his family a pop-quiz. (A/N: How many of us want to do that to our parents?!?)  
  
"Who are they?"  
  
Goku decided to answer the questions. "They WERE, as in not anymore, presents for Trunks and Goten."  
  
"Ooooookaaaaaaaay. I won't even ask. Their names?"  
  
"The girl is Tori and the boy is Brian."  
  
"Gotcha. Uh, one more question. How long are they staying?" By this time, the guests had stopped fighting and started listening.   
  
"Dunno, I guess until we find a way to send them back."  
  
"Why? I wanna stay. It's fun here. I don't have hard school or homework to worry about. And, here, it's like magic. All the stress I had before I came fanished when I woke up here." Tori was confusued. "I thought we were gonna stay," she said quietly.  
  
"You don't wanna stay here forever, do you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'll think about it."  
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"Whoo-hoo! This is great! I wanna do this forever!" Tori cried. She had just mastered flying. "Hey, Goten, Trunks! I'll race ya!"   
  
"You're on!" Trunks yelled.   
  
Brian sighed. 'Why can't I fly yet?' was the only thought on his mind.  
  
Gohan must have read his mind. "Don't worry. You'll learn soon enough."  
  
Brian looked up. "Are you sure? I mean, geez, it didn't even take Videl this long to learn how!"  
  
Gohan looked confused for a while, then he said, "Oh, yea, you guys...!Yea!" Then he copied Brian and looked up. "Well, I wouldn't lose sleep on it. It just takes different people longer to learn how. Hey, I took longer than Videl did, too. Only, I was younger and uh, I guess Piccolo isn't great with words. I wouldn't call him a gifted speaker!"   
  
As Gohan laughed, Brian still had doubts. 'I'll never be able to do this' he thought. 'Three weeks and I still haven't got it down!'  
  
'Hey, Brian!' Tori's cheerful voice entered his mind. For once, though Brian didn't notice, it wasn't teasing, like it usually was.   
  
'Oh, man! Now I'm even hearing her taunting when she isn't teasing me!'   
  
'Whatever! At least I'm not sulking on the ground all day! Geez!'   
  
"WHAT THE HECK?!?!?" Brian didn't realize he was talking out loud.  
  
Goten and Trunks landed, along with Tori. All but her were staring at Brian intently.   
  
"What's wrong?" Gohan asked.   
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Uhh, I really need ideas! guys, pleez review!! Please! I beg you! 


	5. The Traitor

OK, peoples, I NEED REVIEWS!!! PLEASE, REVIEW ME!!! ok, i'm done. ^_^   
  
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Brian just stood there. "Uh...I just, um,..." He was stuck. Getting out of trouble was Tori's profession. Not to mention getting into it.   
  
"Brian! What's the matter?!?" Gohan was getting worried.  
  
"He just...he just has a..."Tori cut in, tring to help.  
  
It worked.  
  
"I have a confession to make." Brian tryed to look guilty (which, by the way, he is very good at, because he usually is guilty and has gotten a lot of practice at looking it). "I...well this is kinda embarrassing..."  
  
"WHAT IS IT?!?!? BRIAN, ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?"  
  
Brian looked up. "It's okay, chill." Brian was good at staying calm. Tori would've freaked out by now. "I have an...imaginary friend."  
  
"And that's why you screamed like a crazy person?"  
  
"Yeah, he told me something you wouldn't believe!"  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
Tori thought, 'Say this! "He just told me what happened on DBZ yesterday. It was an old one, but I missed it the first time they showed it."' Then she sent the thought to Brian.  
  
'Not bad.' Brian thought. "He just told me they canceled DBZ today. It made me so mad, 'cause I'm such a fan, you know?"  
  
"Oh." Gohan couldn't believe what he was hearing. These kids knew everything the fighters had ever gone through. And it just wasn't fair he didn't know the same about them. 'What am I thinking?' he thought. 'I'm acting like Goten!' Then he thought, 'No. It should be ok for me to think this. It's just not fair!'   
  
"Earth to Gohan!"  
  
Gohan snapped back. His younger 13 year old brother was standing before him. "Hey, did you hear them?" Goten asked.   
  
Gohan looked puzzled. "They said something?"  
  
"No!" Tori had laughter in every corner of her voice. "Yea! we've been talking for like, 20 minutes. the whole time you were zoned out." Now she sounded worried.  
  
"OK, well, Gohan, you missed out on a lot. I had just said that I wanted to talk to Tori alone." Brian gazed at Gohan and Goten. "That is...if it's OK?"   
  
Gohan just stared at him for a while. Brian shifted his weight. He was getting uncomfortable under Gohan's watch.  
  
'Why does it feel so wierd around Brian?' Gohan thought. 'It's like, he's evil or something. But that couldn't be, I mean, tori is so nice. I can see why...' he trailed away from his thoughts when Goten got up in his face.   
  
"Hello? Gohan, is there something wrong? it's not like you to stare into space. Well, except in class." Goten chuckled. 'Wow, he's really grown. I haven't noticed it until now.' Gohan thuoght.  
  
"Is that OK?" Brian repeated his question. "For me and Tori to talk, I mean."  
  
Gohan shook his head to get back to reality. "Yea, sure."  
  
Then he and Goten left.  
  
As soon as they were out of earshot, Brian turned to Tori. "What kind of a stunt were you pulling back there?" he asked, angrily.   
  
"Dude, I just wanted to show you what I could do. I wasn't teasing. Really. If you want me to, I'll teach you how, OK?"  
  
"Well, it wasn't funny."  
  
"It wasn't meant to be."  
  
"DON'T GET SMART WITH ME!!" Brian screamed as he got face-to-face with his twin. "I SWEAR, IF YOU MAKE ME MAD, I'LL KILL YOU!! YOU CANNOT-"  
  
"SHUT UP, BRIAN!" Tori screamed back. Brian stopped. His sister was in tears now. "I just- I-" she sighed. "I was trying to help you."  
  
Brian aimed a punch to her face. Tori looked up just in time to dodge it. Then she went airbourne.   
  
Brian was so angry, he jumped up. And, although he didn't notice it, he didn't fall back down. They fought up in the blue sky for 10 minutes, then Brian landed a punch in Tori's stomach.  
  
She fell to the ground. "Brian...why?" she whispered, just before she hit.  
  
Brian landed and smirked. 'I am so much better than her. I am better, faster, and stronger than she ever will be.'  
  
Tori struggled up. She clutched her stomach with one hand, as the other hung limp. Her legs wobbled. She collapsed.   
  
Then Trunks came running up. "Hey! Are you guys OK?"   
  
"Yea, Trunks. Well, at least I am," Brian stated sharply.   
  
Trunks frowned. 'There's something wrong about him. I don't like him at all. He's horrible to his sister.' Then he turned to Tori. "Tori, you're beeding! Are you OK?"   
  
Tori sighed. Then burst out crying. "No, I'm not! He's so mean! I didn't do anything wrong! I just tryed to help, and-"  
  
Trunks hugged her. She continued sobbing on hte 14-year-old's shoulder. Brian smirked again, then left. 'I am better. I even flew this time.'  
  
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Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I promise I'll try to do better with the next chappie, OK?  
  
DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! ^_^ 


	6. A dream, a memory and a friend

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Brian awoke with a start. He'd had a dream...a very disturbing one at that...  
  
He looked around. The last thing he remembered was Tori challenging Trunks and Goten to a race...he wondered who won.  
  
But his dream...in his dream that had happened...but they never got to race...but was it a dream? Brian couldn't be sure. It seemed so real.  
  
He...fought Tori...made her bleed...threw her to the ground...  
  
"It must be a dream," Brian finally announced to himself. "Why would I...I wouldn't hurt Tori!"  
  
'Not on purpose, anyway...' a voice whispered in his head. The voice had been in his dream too...no, it...it couldn't be real.   
  
The voice wasn't his thinking, Brian was sure of that. 'But what is it Then?' he thought to himself.  
  
'What's happening to me?'  
  
Brian couln't figure it out. Then he realized that Trunks, Goten, Gohan, and Tori had left. 'But...why would they leave me here?'  
  
Brian got up, and walked home.  
  
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"Hi, Tori. You feelin' better?" Goten watched as Tori finally woke up. She had said that she wasn't feeling so good and that she wanted to take a nap. She did, and it was a long one!  
  
"Yea. I'm going to find Brian..." she tried to get out of bed, but Goten pushed her back down.  
  
"I don't think so!" Goten said as he remembered Trunks' words just before he left.  
  
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"I need to go. It's waaaay past curfew. But Mom will understand. It's dad I'm worried about. Bra's gonna try to get me in trouble though." Trunks was OK, Goten could tell by his humor. But he was still totally stressed out.  
  
"I like how you can tell me exactly what each person in your house is gonna do."  
  
Trunks smiled. Then he stood up and looked out the window. "Hey, Goten?"  
  
"Yea?"  
  
"I need you to do me a favor."  
  
Goten got up and joined his friend at the window. Trunks was dead freaking serious.  
  
"Sure anything."  
  
"Watch Tori with your life. Don't let her leave this house AT ALL. I try to send Dad over here so you can get some sleep..."  
  
"Oh, no. Vegeta is NOT getting in this house with me asleep. That is way to dangerous for me! YOu know he hates me! No. I'll watch Tori all noght if I have to, but no Vegeta. If anyone's Dad is gonna help, it's gonna be mine. Got it?"  
  
Trunks smiled. "You talk waay to much, d'ja know that?"  
  
"Yea, Mom tells me that aaall the time. So are you just a concerned friend or are you sweet on Tori?"  
  
"I need to go. Later, Goten." he replied as he headed for the door.   
  
"Later."  
  
After Trunks put on his jacket and put his hand on the door he looked at Goten again.  
  
"Don't tell."  
  
"Wasn't gonna."  
  
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"Is Trunks here?" Tori asked.  
  
"No, he left after the first 5 you were out."  
  
Tori groned. "Oh, I'm still so tired. How long was I asleep?"  
  
"Hmm...let's see...you came to bed at 11, and it's 3 now, so..."  
  
Tori sat up. "You stayed up all that time just to make sure I was OK?"  
  
"Yea, is that a problem?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause friends look out for each other."  
  
Tori stared at him with a new respect. Finally she said "Thanks."  
  
"That's what friends are for. You would have done the same for me. Don't thank me." Goten smiled.  
  
"But I am. You can't stop me."  
  
"Go to sleep!" Goten said teasingly, still smiling.  
  
Tori lay back down. Just then the door opened. In walked Brian.  
  
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ooh, isn't it exciting! but i wont continue until i get 10 reviews. only 10. I'll chck frequently. as soon as it hits 10, i'll give you the next chapter. and if you didn't like the story so far, the smart solution by now would be *gasp* not reading the story anymore! I know it's hard, but let it go! I'll help you. GO AWAY. I DON'T LIKE YOU. BEGONE. there. you should be gone by now.  
  
I NEED FREAKIN REVIEWS PEOPLE!! 


	7. Sorry, people!

And so, they figured out the problem and fixed it. Tori and Brian led two lives (each), one in the DBZ world, and one in ours.   
  
THE END  
  
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Sorry bout the sucky ending, but that new rule about author notes being chapters forced me to. There will be a real ending. I promise. But right now, I'm letting Alex Ultra's imagination come in. Alex, work your magic until I return!  
  
Signed,  
  
Jackie (The author...duh) 


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